When I first received my cancer diagnosis a dear friend said to me “You know this is emotional don’t you?” I had to agree. My heart has been broken, my emotional tank drained, my own share of crap thrown at me, family dramas, friend dramas, life dramas.. I hadn’t seen how deep the wounds were. Until now, having a boob explode with cancer forces one to take stock.
In holistic medicine we always look at the different pathways that dis-ease is fed, Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, environmental. True healing occurs when we bring balance to the body as a whole and my body is asking me to take a look.
Life’s ups and downs, the pain and the heartaches, shit so many of us walk through does have an impact on our physical health.
The turbulent waters of emotional stress bought about by actions of others can be hard to overcome and getting stuck in this pain can make you quite ill. Blaming others for where we are in life never allows for moving forward and healing, its a place of selfish focus and serves no one.
What is helpful, is to look at how YOU respond to the actions of others and how long you stay in this place. Forgiving the person(s), acknowledging that we are all on a journey and no matter how hurtful or dysfunctional theirs may seem to you, trust that it is meant to be and is not your responsibility to take on.
Our responsibility lies with ourselves. The stories we create in our own head to explain situations impact us more than we realise. Stories which are really just that, stories. We certainly can’t control or change another person yet we can control and change how we respond to that person and how we personally impact the world around us.
Are you showing love and grace to others or are you bitter and angry?
I realise now more than ever that I am an empathic person. And like many fellow empaths we are drawn into work where we hold space for others. We naturally can sense other peoples pain and we just love helping people overcome obstacles anyway we can, it feeds our soul. When we help or support someone we feel honoured and blessed and more often than not it creates an emotionally healthy outcome on both sides, a win win. However there can be a price we pay if we aren’t careful
It takes two to tango
The down side is we can leave ourselves open to be deeply hurt. There are some broken souls who intentionally (or not) find people like myself and are drawn to them. They are often needy, play the victim, self focused type people
The natural desire to nurture and to rescue overrides the red flags, as their tales of woe fill the space .. A dysfunctional relationship forms, both sides are getting what they want, myself to nurture, and the other to feel nurtured.
Has this happened to you? The friendship turns, the marriage is over, that child runs away, that boss fires you, the person no longer *needs* you. You have served a purpose for them, they have what they wanted and you are pushed aside in a self righteous rage. The pointy finger of accusation right back in your face blaming you for all that is wrong in their lives allowing them to continue the role of victim and you left feeling bewildered and confused. The person you cared for so much now dislikes, even hates you and wont even want to discuss why.
Of course your own behaviour may have played a role, yes you may have been a bit of an arsehole. One hopes that a strong relationship has foundations buried deeply to weather all storms, but sometimes, with some folk, it just doesn’t.
People see the world through their own glasses, coloured by their own experiences and not everyone is able to, or willing to, take off those glasses and see things from another perspective. This can be painful to be on the opposing side of, but it is in these moment we can learn about grace and grow.
Emotional Pain as Sickness
Emotional pain can manifest in physical sickness. Im sure you know of someone or perhaps yourself, who has gone through emotional trauma and have then become quite sick. The divorced father who drops dead of a broken heart as a heart attack, the woman bullied at work who now suffered chronic migraines. The child whose friendship group has fallen apart and now has chronic IBS.
In this world we are guaranteed heartache, injustice and pain. How we deal with it, how we move and grow from it will often impact how and where we get sick and how we heal.
For me I suffered chronic hives for 12 months after a friendship broke down, it took me awhile to really make the connection. I had guessed it was stress related but when I was honest with myself I knew it was the heart ache and grief of a very confusing and hurtful time.
After 12 months of suffering these itchy spots and as a believer in a loving Creator I became real present to the cause and I prayed.
‘Lord you love this person more then I could ever, please take this burden from me, take this grief, this pain, You carry them as you promise you would, shower your love and blessings all over them ” from the moment I spoke these words the hives where gone, now 4 years later they never returned.
You may not be a believer in this christian sense but perhaps you do believe in a loving force behind all the beauty in this world, behind the rainbows and the water falls, behind the flying birds and the furry creators; Perhaps you to can look at a glorious sunset and acknowledge the power and beauty in this. If so offer up your pain, and ask for your burden to be lifted by this peaceful force, give it over as it isn’t for us to carry.
Back to how this all relates to my cancer? Do I believe emotional pain, stress and wounds are behind these renegade cells being triggered to begin multiplying? Yes I do, in part, as it is never as easy as one thing..particularly with cancer
Do I blame anyone? absolutely not.
I thought I was coping with emotional stress being the eternal optimist and all. I mean hadn’t I forgiven ? hadn’t I moved on? hadn’t I released this all through talking, prayer, mediation, mindfulness? …. Well I thought I had until diagnoses with cancer. Now I need to go deeper.
There certainly are other angles in the development of dis-ease, including just the seemingly randomness of cancer. While I wont be blaming myself or anyone else I will be focusing on healing the deep, hidden emotional and mental pain. I’ll further my spiritual growth and relationship with the Creator.
Cancer is often described as the catalyst to a journey within, unpacking our inner workings and unhealthy patterns. Living more authentically, living the unique path we where put on and embracing all the gifts we where given at birth. If you too have been diagnosed I encourage you to use this tap on the shoulder to become a better you.
It is a journey of surrender, forgiveness, growth, empowerment. One I know may be rough as I poke and prod at old wounds but one that needs to be embarked on for I know it will make me a fuller, more giving, more loving. more of the uniqueness of being me.
Few resources I am finding helpful. Please leave in the comments any resources you may want to share with others on this journey.
Podcast for mindset – The one you Feed
Christian resources – Ellel ministries
You tube – Guided mediations (I had no idea of how many there are! I’m enjoying ones with healing scriptures but there are so many to choose from, search ‘healing meditation’ and you will see the list)
Next time – – Your a Natural Therapist and you are doing Chemo!